Monday, August 30, 2010

Me.....a month and a half later

Ha. The procrastinating continues. I meant to write a post a week after the last one about my Mom's fourty-fifth birthday party which took place at my house. I had a clever title all ready to go, and I was going to post pictures and recipes for the food we ate. It was going to be great. What happened? Well...I was waiting for my mom to send me the pictures, and when I got them I just got distracted or something. Who knows. Procrastination is a mysterious thing sometimes.

A week after that I actually found out about something that is a valid excuse for why I haven't written. It's something that has had me quite distracted and turned upside down.

I'm pregnant.

Are you shocked? (those of you readers who didn't know)

I was. So was Brodie. We are also very happy! I was going to not write about it for a while, but then I thought it might be good for me. It has been a time of excitement, but also anxiety and uncertainty. I've always turned to writing in times of anxiety before, so why not now?

We are also planning a wedding which is taking place in two months. There are lots of details to go over, but we are trying to keep it as simple and stress-free as possible. That is, however, another post for another time.

It's interesting being me and being pregnant. Someone who is filled with anxiety and neuroses before becoming pregnant will usually find that all those things are still there and are actually magnified during pregnancy. Thanks to those fun hormones! (or horror-mones as I heard them described in a book recently)

I'm trying to go back to some of the tricks I've used in the past to deal with myself. Exercise is a big one. I was exercising a lot before becoming pregnant, and I noticed a huge difference in my moods. Since finding out, though, I have been too freaked out to do anything besides moderate walking and the occasional Prenatal Yoga DVD.

After a particularly difficult day yesterday I woke up this morning craving more intense exercise. I realize that I shouldn't push myself too hard, but I can probably do more than I have been doing. Today started off great with my Yoga class that I teach at a boarding school for teen-aged girls. They are awesome, and being there today made me feel so grounded. After class I went to the gym and did the elliptical for half an hour and tried to push myself. It felt great!

I know that every pregnant lady experiences worry. I'm sure it's just our maternal instinct kicking in, but I'm tired of it consuming my life. I'm just going to have faith that everything is going to be okay, and realize that some things are out of my control. I'm also going to be more dedicated to doing the best I can and making sure that I pay attention to the things that are really important to me, like my relationship with a very sweet and patient guy. :)

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Procrastination is underrated

I have not updated the blog in a few weeks and would like to offer my apologies to the three confirmed readers. I'm sure you have been dying from suspense.

All joking aside, I have not been consistent with the blog because I am not someone who thrives on being consistent. I live based on my moods. I am excellent at starting something, getting really excited about it, and then inevitably not following through. I have accepted this, and for the most part I am okay with it.

I think that procrastination gets a bad rap in our society. We are encouraged to believe, achieve, reach for the stars (I wish that was an exaggeration) I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with having goals and accomplishing them. I'm just saying that sometimes you need to take your time and feel things out. To listen to yourself and discover your own truth. I feel that if you try something out and you lose interest or it doesn't work out it ultimately means that it wasn't right for you. The hard part for me is when I know that something is right for me and I still have a hard time following through. I have had to spend some time deciding what is right for me and then learning how to slow down, be realistic, and take the necessary steps to accomplish it.

A few goals I have are:

Obtaining my 200 hour Yoga teacher certificate

Updating the blog often(even if the reader number never reaches beyond 3!)

Starting a savings account (actually have attempted this in the past and failed miserably, so a better goal would be to maintain a savings account

There are more things I could add, but these are the most pressing ones at the moment.

I will let you know how it goes. In another month. Or when the mood strikes. Wait, no. Must commit. Must commit.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Asana of the week

Ustrasana. Also known as camel pose.

This pose used to scare the crap out of me.

I have a weird thing with my neck. I get a little squeamish when it is touched, and letting it hang in back of me used to be terrifying. (My only explanation for this is that I was Marie Antoinette in a past life, and I have some weird form of PTSD. Makes sense, right?)

Anyway, every time a Yoga teacher would announce that camel pose was coming up, I would get a little shiver of anxiety down my spine, and my previously decapitated neck would start to ache (ok I'll stop) Seriously, though, I felt real fear. I would go partly into the pose, start to freak out, and jerk myself out of it. This is very unsafe.

Fast forward to my teacher training program at Centered City Yoga (I'll write more on that later) We were taking a core class with Carrie. She started leading us into camel. I slowly went into it, used my deep breathing to calm my mind down, and something amazing happened. I stayed in the pose, and I didn't freak out. I suddenly started to see why people do this pose. When I came out of it slowly, I had such an amazing feeling of having conquered something challenging. I also felt myself open up. I was sitting up straighter and I felt a sense of confidence, generosity, and happiness radiating from me.

I know it sounds weird. How can bending backward cause you to feel a psychological shift? Well, that is what I have discovered about Yoga. Your mat is a safe little place where you can work things out. If you face a fear on the mat, you are more likely to be able to do it in your daily life. There is a sense of empowerment that happens. I strongly believe that what we do physically can greatly affect our emotional and mental state. With camel pose, as well as with all of the backbending poses, you are literally opening up through your chest which naturally makes you feel more open and generous as a person.

Okay. That's enough lecturing.

Let's do the pose.

Now keep in mind that there are different ways to do every pose, and each teacher will teach it differently. So you have to find out what works best for you.

First, stand on your knees. They should be about hip distance apart with the tops of the feet on the floor

Second, place your hands (palms down, fingers pointing to feet) on the top part of your butt. You should be able to feel all the squishy goodness. If you don't, your hands are too high.

Third, you are going to lean back now. Oh yes you are. And you are going to use your breath to remind your mind to calm the freak down.

As you bend backward, only go as far as feels comfortable to you. If you feel good only going halfway, then do that.

If you would like more of a challenge, refer to the picture above. Place your right hand on your right heel, then do the same with the left hand. Let your head drop and hang behind you. As you inhale, open up through the chest. As you exhale, push the hips and abdomen forward to avoid compressing your lower back.

Hold and breathe for as long as you want. When you have had enough fun, slowly come up and keep pushing your hips forward. Your head should come up last

There. You just did camel pose!

If that was really challenging and felt like a huge milestone for you, then congrats.

If that pose has always been a breeze for you, I don't trust you.


Sunday, June 27, 2010

I'm a blogger

I have always used my journal as an outlet. My first journal (which I still have somewhere)was red and blue and had Paddington Bear on the cover. I got it for Christmas when I was 6. I quickly began filling it with silly poems, stories, pictures, and random thoughts. The literary arts have been a natural form of expression for me since I began reading at age 3 1/2. When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I said either a teacher or a writer. I would spend hours in my room escaping into writing and reading.

As I got older I realized that writing was something I absolutely needed in order to make sense of everything that was happening inside of me. All of the thoughts and fears that were flying around in my mind with no sense of groundedness could be taken out of my head and made sense out of by being put onto paper. It provided a tangible, soothing feeling.

I have kept most of my journals throughout the years, with the exception of the ones I used during grades 5 through 8. They were filled with angst and insecurity and I was worried someone would find them and read them and realize what a freak I really was (haha), so I threw them away. I wish I still had them. I recently went through some boxes in the garage and found some journals from high school. While reading them, I laughed out loud and also had tears in my eyes. I had an almost maternal feeling for that insecure teenage girl.

Writing has helped me get through some of the hardest times in my life. Now, at age 25 I am really starting to feel like I'm growing into myself. I know that I will never stop learning, but I do feel like I've come to a place of more self-acceptance and balance than I ever have before. I'm realizing the things that are real and true for me, and striving to practice those things on a daily basis.

SO.....I guess I am a blogger now. I have been obsessively reading blogs lately, and the urge to write one myself was so overwhelming this morning that I just couldn't not do it. I think of it as a journal that I am sharing with everyone. I'm happy to share it, and not afraid anymore of being considered a freak. I believe in finding your truth and then being it to its fullest potential, not matter what others may think.

In this blog I'm going to write about things that I have discovered are the most important to me, and some of those things are:

Fitness and Nutrition
Body Image
Living with Anxiety
Finding Truth

Who knows if anyone will read it, but I hope that maybe I can inspire someone else, even if it is just one person.